mi non conosco..

I don't know....that's what I wrote as the title....

I am not sure anymore....

Dignity...that is what I was thinking about on the one hour drive from my class to town. It's usually a very short drive but for once I did not mind the traffic. Some stranger tried to talk to me but I did not speak to him. His voice and meaningless words were like some far off sound that had nothing to do with me.My stare straight ahead into some unseen scene must have scared him but I did not care. I was too busy listing the numerous ways i feel I've lost my dignity since I quit my job . I'm in a state of constant lack. I don't lack food, shelter or clothing. No. I am very well provided in those terms. It's the little things. The extra stuff that make life a joy to live and give you a sense of choice if not freedom even if just an illusion of the same. I don't go anywhere anymore. Once I missed several classes since my transport cost was more than what I had. My parents try though more often they give me just what is enough for my transport for a few days. It's not even their responsibility truth be told. At this age I should be fully supporting myself. That is not even my grief. I miss the choice I had in doing stuff....not so much as buying but doing...I don't do well with lack...this constant struggle..it's draining
I love fashion and it's definitely what I want to do...but I must say it's charging a high cost. One I knew I would have to pay....Everything costs something....and purportedly my character is being built...but wow....as I said dignity....I lose it daily in tiny small but numerous ways.
This post had no direction but I wanted to write down a tiny bit of my struggle...while also reminding myself that I am enough and that it's not about doing or even about creating but being.
Below is an excerpt from Tracy Clarke's I am enough series that both reflect my bipolar state:

It's like dropping a coin into a deep, dark well. There's an emptiness, but you know something is there, just past the emptiness, just past the darkness. And you wait and you wait for the coin to make a splash, to hit the ground, but it never does, or, rather, you never hear it. But you wait because you know it's there.
It just has to be there, the splash, the end of it all. I'm still waiting for the end of you, your echo in my head. And maybe I just never heard the splash because all I hear is the waiting, the silence, the emptiness inside of me begging you to tell me that I'm enough.

I am just like you:
doing my best to love life
in spite of my flaws.

Some days it’s easy.
I see joy everywhere and
feel so connected.

Then there are the times
I get stuck inside my head,
heart heavy with fog.

On these days I search
for (extra)ordinary
little miracles:

Pot of French Earl Grey
Perfect pair of purple boots
Walks, camera in hand

Guilt-free macarons
Losing myself in a book
Her sweet pudgy hands

Sitting with sadness
Lifelines through the overwhelm
Making space to breathe

Walks in Autumn gold
Writing with tremendous love
Paper, paint and glue

Family cuddles
Dancing wildly on my own
Friends who see my soul

Nourishing my self
Everyday celebrations
That I am worthy

That I am enough

 In summary as I head off to join my friends to celebrate another year in one of my good friends....I know He who promised is faithful even when I'm not...

NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING...

A Gift for My Daughter

by Harry Browne

December 25, 1966    

(This article was originally published as a syndicated newspaper column, dedicated to my 9-year-old daughter.)
It’s Christmas and I have the usual problem of deciding what to give you. I know you might enjoy many things — books, games, clothes.
But I’m very selfish. I want to give you something that will stay with you for more than a few months or years. I want to give you a gift that might remind you of me every Christmas.
If I could give you just one thing, I’d want it to be a simple truth that took me many years to learn. If you learn it now, it may enrich your life in hundreds of ways. And it may prevent you from facing many problems that have hurt people who have never learned it.
The truth is simply this:
No one owes you anything.

Significance

How could such a simple statement be important? It may not seem so, but understanding it can bless your entire life.
No one owes you anything.
It means that no one else is living for you, my child. Because no one is you. Each person is living for himself; his own happiness is all he can ever personally feel.
When you realize that no one owes you happiness or anything else, you’ll be freed from expecting what isn’t likely to be.
It means no one has to love you. If someone loves you, it’s because there’s something special about you that gives him happiness. Find out what that something special is and try to make it stronger in you, so that you’ll be loved even more.
When people do things for you, it’s because they want to — because you, in some way, give them something meaningful that makes them want to please you, not because anyone owes you anything.
No one has to like you. If your friends want to be with you, it’s not out of duty. Find out what makes others happy so they’ll want to be near you.
No one has to respect you. Some people may even be unkind to you. But once you realize that people don’t have to be good to you, and may not be good to you, you’ll learn to avoid those who would harm you. For you don’t owe them anything either.

Living your Life

No one owes you anything.
You owe it to yourself to be the best person possible. Because if you are, others will want to be with you, want to provide you with the things you want in exchange for what you’re giving to them.
Some people will choose not to be with you for reasons that have nothing to do with you. When that happens, look elsewhere for the relationships you want. Don’t make someone else’s problem your problem.
Once you learn that you must earn the love and respect of others, you’ll never expect the impossible and you won’t be disappointed. Others don’t have to share their property with you, nor their feelings or thoughts.
If they do, it’s because you’ve earned these things. And you have every reason to be proud of the love you receive, your friends’ respect, the property you’ve earned. But don’t ever take them for granted. If you do, you could lose them. They’re not yours by right; you must always earn them.

My Experience

A great burden was lifted from my shoulders the day I realized that no one owes me anything. For so long as I’d thought there were things I was entitled to, I’d been wearing myself out — physically and emotionally — trying to collect them.
No one owes me moral conduct, respect, friendship, love, courtesy, or intelligence. And once I recognized that, all my relationships became far more satisfying. I’ve focused on being with people who want to do the things I want them to do.
That understanding has served me well with friends, business associates, lovers, sales prospects, and strangers. It constantly reminds me that I can get what I want only if I can enter the other person’s world. I must try to understand how he thinks, what he believes to be important, what he wants. Only then can I appeal to someone in ways that will bring me what I want.
And only then can I tell whether I really want to be involved with someone. And I can save the important relationships for those with whom I have the most in common.
It’s not easy to sum up in a few words what has taken me years to learn. But maybe if you re-read this gift each Christmas, the meaning will become a little clearer every year.
I hope so, for I want more than anything else for you to understand this simple truth that can set you free: no one owes you anything.

collage of blogposts and comments

I know I know.....it's been too long and to make it worse today I'm doing lazy blogging. I have been so busy that I stopped reading my favorite blogs. So today as i read them I will share some posts or comments that either have me laughing so hard I look like a mad woman or just raising my eyebrows...I warn you..my sense of humor is weird but hopefully You'll enjoy

1.Wild Cougar on 03/27/2012 at 10:59 am said:

Cosign. Churches can remain segregated. Cause people who like to dress in big hats, then jump up and down, throw handkerchiefs, bang tambourines, take their shoes off, run up and down the aisles, jerk madly, knock pews to the side while they speak in tongues, and roll on the floor, all to a lively but repetitive organ tune should be able to do so without white people (or boring snobbbish black people) gawking at them.

HMPH!

2. CurlyTop on 03/27/2012 at 1:21 am said:

I wish homes came with women/men bathrooms or at least a urinal in one of them. Seperate but equal bathrooms in homes would decrease husband/boyfriend death by 86.4%
Reply ↓

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I Am Your People on 03/27/2012 at 4:10 am said:

This should be in government building code
Reply ↓
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A Woman's Eyes on 03/27/2012 at 9:15 am said:

They do exist. I know plenty of couples who don’t use the same bathroom in their house.
Reply ↓
o
Chanelle on 03/27/2012 at 10:58 am said:

Me too. If I’m married it will be a requirement for me to have my own bathroom…..it will be written in paper form and signed by all parties involved.
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As a side note from the comments. My friend E had a horrific(to me hilarious) experience at a very popular and supposedly upmarket club on Ng'ong Road. As usual the queues at the ladies are ridiculous so she decided to go to the gents and she was busy doing her business when she noticed funny marks on the walls....only to realize in horror that someone had used their hands as tissue paper then wiped off the feces on the walls...She ran off in fright thinking the person might back...that is what is hilarious to me....So anytime I go back to this club I get fits of laughter like no One's business.
talking OF WEIRD LOO EXPERIENCES on twitter the other day @Karofio MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD I ALMOST FELL OFF MY SEAT!!!!!!!! LET ME QUOTE: While in the loo I overheard the guy in the next stall over whisper "get out of me" and then start to cry..How I hate shared offices..!There was no reply, I assume there was no one else in the toilet with him...his demons? I fled before they got a new host!

I love social media and my friends ....just make me laugh away my worries
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SheWhoMustBeObeyed on 03/27/2012 at 12:10 pm said:

“or put your feet on the seat and squat.”

iRebukeThis!!!

Why in the hell would anyone do that?? *Weeping*


CurlySue on 03/27/2012 at 9:49 am said:

Here’s a small list of types of people that should be separated:
4. Public transportation. Those with boundary issues. That way, all the people who seem to love sitting right next to you although there are free seats and striking up a conversation can all sit next to each other and talk about their bunions, kids, dying dog, whatever. And us normal folks (those who avoid contact with others like the plague), can sit with three seats between us all and stare straight ahead, like God intended

JessicaL on 03/27/2012 at 10:38 am said:

Please tell me why, when it’s 50-lem seats on the bus/subway the stank person has to take a seat next to you. Especially on the days when you want to be left the hell alone.

CurlySue on 03/27/2012 at 2:07 pm said:

Ok, so another list and this one dedicated solely to restroom etiquette.

1. People who talk to you through the stalls. Just because we came in chatting doesn’t mean I want to shout over the noise of us both p*ssing. Shut your mouth and focus. Seriously, these people need their own bathrooms. That way they can chat away through grunts and ahhs.

2. People who choose the stall right next to you even though others are open. Whyyyy? Why do you want to sit right next to me? Don’t you want a buffer? I want a buffer! These people need their own bathrooms too. That way they can sit all close, hold hands and whatever else weird sh*t I’m certain people like this do.

3. Let’s talk about pooping. Women pooping, to be specific. Ok, if you come into the bathroom and you have to poop but someone is in the big stall (you know which one) and they’re pooping too, wait! Go back to your desk for two damn minutes and wait! Don’t stand outside my stall door or go to the stall next to me and start grunting away. And if you’re a shy pooper, don’t sit there in your stall waiting me out. Listen b*tch, I was here first. You shoulda waited! Now we’re both sitting here with our feet raised in absolute silence. Well, let me tell you now, you won’t win. So, really, there needs to be two separate types of bathrooms here. Those for indiscriminate “I’ll sh*t anywhere with a hole” poopers and a single stall bathroom for shy poopers who like their privacy. Like me.

Now, I’m exhausted!


Anyway that is enough for today and turns out VSB made me laugh so much I only got comments from it's posts

two days to go..

Fashion Stylists - Career Profile

I finally found the perfect job description for what I'm doing. The credit goes to

Job Description

Do you have the passion to create unique wardrobe styles? Are you good in mixing and matching fashion outfits? If you have long been dreaming of working as a fashion stylist, then now is the time to shine! Fashion design schools will be more than happy to help you acquire the necessary skills and knowledge to become the best in the industry.

Generally, fashion stylists are responsible for making people look good. They also help to bring the photographer's or director's vision to life. Fashion stylists usually work in photo shoots, commercials, movie sets, print advertisements and music videos to style celebrities and models. Fashion stylists show the wearers' personality and style through the clothes, wardrobes or outfits that they are wearing. They help boost the person's self-confidence by helping them make a good impression. They basically assume all tasks related to styling and creating fashion visuals.

Fashion stylists are expected to assume a wide variety of tasks and responsibilities which include:

* producing creative design solutions
* selecting fashion accessories that will complement a particular outfit
* setting meetings with PR companies, retailers and manufacturers
* hiring, borrowing, or purchasing props, garments and accessories
* dressing models, celebrities, and other people who hired their services
* building up a good network of clients
* keeping an eye on the constantly changing fashion trends
* conceptualizing and developing fashion visuals that can be used for photo shoots or movie sets
* packing and returning borrowed outfits and accessories
* giving insights on what type of outfits, accessories, and shoes must be purchased
* assessing the wardrobe style of a certain individual (i.e. model or celebrity)
* putting together creative and unique fashion outfits
* combining outfits and accessories that will look good on the wearer
* helping people dress more fashionably

Fashion stylists often work in a fast-paced and stressful environment. They are often exposed to long work hours due to the nature of their job. In addition to that, the work of fashion stylists are very demanding since they have to be present until the photo shoot or movie shoot wraps up.

Training, Education, and Advancement

There is no standard educational requirement for aspiring fashion stylists. Some just attend short courses on fashion styling to acquire basic knowledge on how to put matching outfits together and to have a better understanding about the fashion trends. However, many employers are still looking for fashion stylist applicants who acquired formal education and training from credible fashion schools. Even though you possess the creativity and artistry to become a good fashion stylist, getting a formal education is still highly recommended.

Those who want to pursue a professional career in fashion styling is advised to enroll in a 2-year Associate degree program in fashion designing, fashion merchandising, visual or art merchandising, and other related fields. Fashion stylist aspirants who have enrolled in an Associate program will learn more about the ins and outs of the fashion industry.

Aspiring fashion stylists who want to land good job offers should consider enrolling in a 4-year Bachelor degree course program in Fashion merchandising, art or visual merchandising, fashion styling, fashion designing and other related fields. Satisfying a bachelor's degree fashion program will allow aspiring fashion stylists to gain more comprehensive skills and knowledge that will help them become efficient in their job.

It is highly recommended that fashion stylist aspirants earn relevant field experiences so they can build an impressive fashion portfolio. Fashion stylist aspirants can gain good work experiences by:

* finding an internship program in fashion design schools
* working as a fashion assistant for an established fashion stylist
* participating in fashion design training programs to improve styling skills
* exploring entry-level fashion careers to gain enough work experiences to advance in higher fashion styling positions

Networking and experience are critical for fashion stylists to succeed in this field. Therefore, it is really vital that you establish a remarkable fashion styling portfolio to increase your chances of getting lucrative job offers.

Job Outlook

Aspiring fashions stylists should really work their way to the top since there are no shortcuts to success. Starting out fashion stylists should expect minor difficulties because they are just beginning to build their network. Successful fashion stylists reach where they are today due to their hard work, perseverance, determination, success-drive, and of course, unmatched styling skills. It is critical that a fashion stylist build a strong client base so they can instantly widen their network. Most fashion styling gigs are generated from referrals of valued clients. Therefore, fashion stylists must maintain an excellent professional reputation in order to gain the trust of clients.

Most fashion stylist professionals work independently and are hired on referral basis. But there are also some who work under a particular styling firm. Job outlook for fashion stylist experts are very promising due to the constant need for skilled fashion stylists in movies, commercials, photo shoots, and other related settings.

Fashion Stylist Salary

The annual salary earnings of fashion stylists vary greatly depending on their years of experience, skills, and expertise. Those who have already established network of clients, and have already gained valuable fashion styling experiences receive lucrative pay rates. Entry-levels, on the other hand, receive lower pay rates than experienced fashion stylists but their salary is still enough to support a rewarding lifestyle.

Here is a breakdown of the daily earnings of fashion stylists according to their work experience:

* Entry Level Fashion Stylists: $150-$200/day
* Experienced Fashion Stylists: $500-$5,000/day
* Top-level Fashion Stylists: above $5,000/day; $100,000 or more annually

Working as a professional fashion stylist will certainly offer you a rewarding and fulfilling job that allows you to get paid by making people look and feel beautiful!

Career Path: Intern/Stylist's Apprentice > Assistant Fashion Stylist > Staff Fashion Stylist

Famous Fashion Stylists: Jeff Ihenando: Stylist for supermodels Kate Moss, Libery Ross, Naomi Campbell
Rachel Zoe: Celebrity clients include Nichole Richie, Mischa Barton, Keira Knightly
Rohn Padmore: Wardrobe stylist for Madonna, Lauren Hutton, Kylie Minogue, Kelly Price

my dad

my father manages to surprise me each time we sit and chat. He has been so supportive of my journey in fashion. It scares me to think of the numerous times I ignored him. You do need your father no matter what crime he commits against you. His life story is so similar to mine. He says it took him 20 years to get established as he is but he enjoyed every minute of the journey because he was doing what he loves and that is with machines. My father continues to be a beacon of hope. Today has been an awesome day.....

....not meant to be

I really woke up intending to blog..but i guess it was not meant to be..more of moderation etc..lol...I have to rush off to meet my friend for lunch...the life i craved for last year while stuck in that office